Dotti Berry

(Jump down to updated 2011 SO Program class descriptions.)

Dotti Berry, President of IMPACT COMMUNICATIONS, was "Born to Coach". She is a Consultant and Trainer/Facilitator. Dotti is finishing her doctorate work in Human Sexuality to be a clinical sexologist. She studied with Brian McNaught, called the "Godfather of Gay Sensitivity Training" by the New York Times, at the Thornfield Annual Conference on Sexuality, where she completed a special track on corporate diversity and gay issues in the workplace. She works passionately for the acceptance and inclusion of the transgender community, saying, "Not only should they not be left behind, we must invite them to lead the way." Dotti counsels transgender couples and transgender persons one-on-one, keynotes, facilitates workshops, and offers groups for SO's (significant others) and transgender couples at various conferences, such as Esprit, Fantasia Fair, Southern Comfort, and IFGE (International Foundation for Gender Education).

Through her company, IMPACT Communications, she has authored various articles, and since 1985, has worked with both youth and adults one-on-one, as well as facilitated seminars and workshops for organizations, universities, corporations, religious institutions and Leadership classes. Sodexho, Info Quest Clinical, the Girl Scouts, NCCJ (National Conference of Community and Justice), the University of Kentucky, Women Out Front, and Soulforce are some of the diverse groups who have secured her services in the areas of executive coaching, personal transformation, GLBT (gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender) issues, diversity, team-building, and non-violent process.

Dotti completed a year long journey, Gay Into Straight America, in 2006, with the intention of engaging hearts and minds, creating authentic connections, and transcending differences that separate us. She and her spouse, Robynne Sapp, embarked on their journey September 11, 2005, when they left their home in Blaine, WA. Their book, "Live Your Truth...Own Your Life", will be released in 2010.

Message from Dotti Berry:

One's acceptance of self stands at the core of relating to others, whether that is a friend or the person/s with whom we are intimately related. Rejoicing and loving yourself today can pay huge benefits. Focusing solely on another individual can become a distraction from moving forward in this process of self love. Do that first, and many other things magically fall into place! Welcome to Esprit 2011! 

Dotti may be reached at:

IMPACT Communications
Dotti Berry
4451 Masterson Road
Blaine, Washington 98230
dotti@GLBTCoach.com
http://www.GLBTCoach.com

The detailed schedule for the SO program is as follows:

Please note that "couple," as referenced below for group sessions, could be 2 ...or more than 2 people...depending upon the particular situation. For the ease of description, I have left it as "couple." Please understand that, in reality, our experience tells us that "relationship unit," is a more appropriate term as there are sometimes more than two individuals within that intimate relationship.

Tuesday 9:00-11:00: I am Who I am. What Does That Mean?
For SO's ONLY. For the Significant Other of the transgender partner, whether you are male, female, or questioning.

You might find yourself thinking (even if you have attended Esprit before with your transgender partner)..."Now that I am here, WHO am I?"

If this is your first time, it can be frightening to find yourself in a situation, wondering who you are, because your partner is communicating his/her feelings of being transgender. Maybe your partner shared this information with you years ago, but you both thought it would "go away." You then tucked away that information in the far reaches of your consciousness. Maybe your partner recently shared this information and you are either feeling like a "deer in the headlights" or "Wow...looking back, a lot of things now make sense. Let's move forward." The bottom line is that you might feel either vulnerable and scared about losing your relationship...or relieved and inspired with renewed hope for your relationship.

If you have attended before, you might find yourself saying, "Why am I back?"

All of the above questions and feelings are normal and valid. So, relax and join us! :)  This experience, whether you are a newbie or have attended numerous times, can run the gamut from feeling scary and exhaustive to being inspiring and exhilarating...all in the span of one short week. Commit to embracing the process and seeking to discover more about yourself vs totally focusing energy on your transgender partner/s. You can truly discover more about "I am Who I am" if you redirect that energy back to yourself, while supporting your partner in his/her process. Commit to embracing whatever feelings show up...welcome them vs. resist them. Shift happens!

Tuesday 11:30-1:00: SO Luncheon (for SO's only)

Tuesday 1:30-3:30: I am Who I am. Who Are You?
For transgender couples (both must attend)

When each person says, "I am who I am," how do you fit those pieces together to form a healthy sense of "we are who we are?" Perhaps it is time to look at some important questions such as:

Where are we at as a couple? Where are we going as a couple? An essential piece each of you brings to a relationship is knowing and understanding who you are. Most people discover this is a life-long journey. You both are stepping into one of those "life markers" along the path.

For the purpose of this Esprit week, we focus on how you navigate the particular issues you are now encountering as a couple when one party is transgender. We encourage you to speak your truth about how you are shifting and changing, individually, but also as a couple throughout the week.

Other things to consider. What if both parties are transgender? Or perhaps there are more than two people as a part of the defined relationship, and perhaps one, or two, of those is transgender. The possibilities are seemingly endless. You might not understand the other couples, and they might not understand you...in the beginning. As you listen to one another, however, the magic happens. You begin to feel the common threads of your stories, and your understanding grows. Whoever you are...wherever you are going...however your relationship is put together...we invite you to bring who you are to this party, and let's see what happens.

Wednesday 9:00-11:00: Born This Way?
For SO's ONLY. For the Significant Other of the transgender partner, whether you are male, female, or questioning.

Don't hide yourself in regret,
Just love yourself and you're set
I'm on the right track, baby

This song seems perfect for this entire day. While Lady Gaga's song applies to each of us in some regard, how does this apply to your situation?

Do you find yourself thinking "Was my partner born this way?" or do you find yourself wondering if he/she is "choosing a lifestyle," a misnomer term that is utilized over and over in our society to demonize the transgender community (or any minority group).

And where do you fit in? Your partner journeys through the process of understanding and accepting within themselves that there are some aspects with which they were born that don't internally match up with who they feel themselves to be. Yes, "I was born this way" is heard over and over. Many times, it is "I remember having these feelings when I was 4." The opportunity for you is, through this process, to access a deeper intimacy with your partner...emotionally, physically, and spiritually...if that is what you want.

Wednesday 1:30-3:30: Born This Way?
For transgender couples (both must attend)

Don't hide yourself in regret,
Just love yourself and you're set
I'm on the right track, baby

There isn't any definitive scientific data that tells us exactly why a person has the sexual orientation or gender identity they have. We just know that a person comes to a sense of understanding relative to both in ways that others don't always accept.

We continue to learn new information, or have new experiences, that daily sheds light upon our understanding. If you can apply those first two lines above to yourself and your life, you will be able to navigate whatever comes your way...whether you are the SO or the transgender person.

When you don't feel the need to hide yourself in regret and can love yourself, exactly the way you are, you truly are prepared for love and intimacy. Is that a part of your relationship? Do you want it to be? Do the sands feel as if they are shifting beneath you, and you no longer know which way is up?

Ok...let's talk S-E-X. It's ok. If you’ve been avoiding this topic, now is your opportunity to discuss what is a sometimes evolving landscape.

If you don't have this discussion now, when will you? We provide a safe environment for your exploration.

Thursday 9:00-11:00: Acceleration is Only for Getting on the Freeway?
For SO's ONLY. For the Significant Other of the transgender partner, whether you are male, female, or questioning.

Do you sometimes feel as if your partner has the foot on the accelerator...as if getting on the freeway? You know, it is true that you have to sometimes "give it some gas" to be able to merge into the flow of things, and to keep from getting run over. What happens when you feel as if you don’t have the horsepower you need to merge into the lanes, and feel as if you are being run over in the process?

Does this ring true? Maybe yes? Maybe no?

Do you feel as if your partner is wanting to "move too fast" in their process...whatever that process is? Do you know how to voice your feelings? Either way, come share your voice about the speed at which your relationship is/isn’t moving and the impact on you, your children, friends and family.

How do you have your voice heard, and yet also be supportive?

Thursday 11:30-1:00 Couples Luncheon (for couples)

Thursday 1:30-3:30: Is Life Just One Big Puzzle?
For transgender couples (both must attend)

Maybe the better question is, "Do you like putting together puzzles?" Some people do...some people don't. Either way, most people at some point in their life have put together a puzzle with friends or family. What most people don't like, or perhaps find aggravating, however, is when there are missing pieces to the puzzle. You sometimes have the corners and edges put together, only to have all the other pieces piled in the middle because they seem to have no function or rhyme or reason. When the middle of the puzzle is grass, it can feel like a daunting task to figure out which piece goes where. It can sometimes feel so overwhelming that you just give up and quit, never finishing the puzzle. You simply leave when it gets too challenging. 

Navigating a relationship when it feels as if some pieces of the puzzle are missing, or changing, or lost, can feel pretty overwhelming unless both are committed to staying the course, or clearly communicating a different perspective. Clear and honest dialogue is the key. Come and discover how you can put together the pieces of your relationship puzzle. We will supply a safe environment for sharing your feelings and give you the opportunity to take steps that will enable you to finish the puzzle.

Friday 9:00-11:00: Let the Party Begin?
For SO's ONLY. For the Significant Other of the transgender partner, whether you are male, female, or questioning.

Are you kidding me? Yes, Friday is when the real festivities begin.

But, wait a minute. Let's check in. How are You feeling? Overwhelmed or more at home in your own skin? Glad you came this week, or sorry that you did? There's no right or wrong answer...just recognition about what is going on for you.

Let's get gut honest. This is a time during the week when it is wise to re-evaluate, and make sure you are taking care of yourself. It can sometimes get to be "all about them" if you aren't careful about establishing healthy boundaries for yourself. It's time to make sure you are speaking your mind; otherwise, a fun week-end can end up being a disaster. This is no time for lying low and keeping your feelings to yourself. It's all in the way you do it.

Presentation is everything. This can be one of the most magical times of your relationship, if you allow for it. What have your got to lose? Everything. What have you got to win? Everything. Think about it. It's a paradox in some ways. Join us in a safe environment for letting it all hang out!

Friday 2:00–4:00: Creating Emotional Intimacy
For transgender couples (both must attend)

Think back to a time when you felt really close and connected - a time when you felt emotionally intimate. It can't happen without self-disclosure and listening...yes, listening to one another...and inquiring into one another.

Think about a time when you felt light and playful, or a time when laughter flowed easily, or a time when you felt you could tell your deepest secret and it would be accepted.

Ok, perhaps being who you truly are is a secret that was kept far too long. Cat's out of the bag now. How's that working for each of you, individually, and for you as a couple?

We all yearn for that deep connection with someone, yet maintaining emotional intimacy for very long can be challenging if you allow yourself to become distracted. You often have it at the very beginning of relationships, before the conflicts start. Forget one partner being transgender as a part of the equation. The real question is, "How can you maintain that wonderful intimacy in your long-term relationship?"

The deep and wonderful feeling of intimacy flourishes in an atmosphere of safety. You open up when we feel safe. You take risks when we feel safe. The challenge is - how do you create this safety? Come with a willingness to answer this basic question.

Saturday 9:00-11:00: The #1 Secret to Relationship...Miss this key and you are doomed
For transgender couples (both must attend)

You might have just arrived at Esprit, or maybe you've been here all week. There is an essential key to what we call the "master relationships." These are the ones that work for many years. This one key secret is reason enough to attend this group. It could literally be the component that shifts your relationship...if only you know what it is. We will introduce this secret...it's really quite simple...and then have the group discussion be for anything you want to discuss. Run the gamut A-Z, applying this secret that you have just learned.

Dotti also presents a general attendance class:

Couples Issues

Co-presented by Dr. Fawver (frequent Esprit presenter on gender issues) and Dotti Berry (facilitator of the Significant Others program), this class looks at the issues faced by couples. The perspectives of the transgender individual and the spouse are both examined.

BORN THIS WAY (Lady Gaga)

It doesn't matter if you love him or capital H-I-M
Just put your paws up
'Cause you were born this way, baby

My mama told me when I was young
We are all born superstars
She rolled my hair and put my lipstick on
In the glass of her boudoir

There's nothin' wrong with lovin' who you are
She said, 'cause He made you perfect, babe
So hold your head up, girl and you you'll go far
Listen to me when I say

I'm beautiful in my way
'Cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way

Don't hide yourself in regret
Just love yourself and you're set
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way, born this way

Ooh, there ain't no other way, baby, I was born this way
Baby, I was born this way
Ooh, there ain't no other way, baby, I was born this way
I'm on the right track, baby, I was born this way

Don't be a drag, just be a queen
Don't be a drag, just be a queen
Don't be a drag, just be a queen
Don't be

Give yourself prudence and love your friends
Subway kid, rejoice of truth
In the religion of the insecure
I must be myself, respect my youth

A different lover is not a sin
Believe capital H-I-M
I love my life, I love this record and
Mi amore vole fe yah

I'm beautiful in my way,
'Cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way

Don't hide yourself in regret,
Just love yourself and you're set
I'm on the right track, baby

I was born this way

Ooh, there ain't no other way, baby, I was born this way
Baby, I was born this way
Ooh, there ain't no other way, baby, I was born this way
I'm on the right track, baby, I was born this way

Don't be drag, just be a queen
Whether you're broke or evergreen
You're black, white, beige, chola descent
You're Lebanese, you're orient

Whether life's disabilities
Left you outcast, bullied or teased
Rejoice and love yourself today
'Cause baby, you were born this way

No matter gay, straight or bi
Lesbian, transgendered life
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born to survive

No matter black, white or beige
Chola or orient made
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born to be brave

I'm beautiful in my way
'Cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way

Don't hide yourself in regret,
Just love yourself and you're set
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way, yeah

Ooh, there ain't no other way, baby, I was born this way
Baby, I was born this way
Ooh, there ain't no other way, baby, I was born this way
I'm on the right track, baby, I was born this way
I was born this way, hey
I was born this way, hey
I'm on the right track, baby, I was born this way, hey

I was born this way, hey
I was born this way, hey
I'm on the right track, baby, I was born this way, hey