Dotti Berry

(Jump down to SO Program class descriptions)

Dotti Berry, President of IMPACT COMMUNICATIONS, was "Born to Coach". She is a Consultant and Trainer/Facilitator. Dotti is finishing her doctorate work in Human Sexuality to be a clinical sexologist. She studied with Brian McNaught, called the "Godfather of Gay Sensitivity Training" by the New York Times, at the Thornfield Annual Conference on Sexuality, where she completed a special track on corporate diversity and gay issues in the workplace. She works passionately for the acceptance and inclusion of the transgender community, saying, "Not only should they not be left behind, we must invite them to lead the way." Dotti counsels transgender couples and transgender persons one-on-one, keynotes, facilitates workshops, and offers groups for SO's (significant others) and transgender couples at various conferences, such as Esprit, Fantasia Fair, Southern Comfort, and IFGE (International Foundation for Gender Education).

Through her company, IMPACT Communications, she has authored various articles, and since 1985, has worked with both youth and adults one-on-one, as well facilitated seminars and workshops for organizations, universities, corporations, religious institutions and Leadership classes. Sodexho, Info Quest Clinical, the Girl Scouts, NCCJ (National Conference of Community and Justice), the University of Kentucky, Women Out Front, and Soulforce are some of the diverse groups who have secured her services in the areas of executive coaching, personal transformation, GLBT (gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender) issues, diversity, team-building, and non-violent process.

Dotti completed a year long journey, Gay Into Straight America, in 2006, with the intention of engaging hearts and minds, creating authentic connections, and transcending differences that separate us. She and her spouse, Robynne Sapp, embarked on their journey September 11, 2005, when they left their home in Blaine, WA. Their book, "Live Your Truth...Own Your Life", will be released in 2010.

Dotti offers coaching for both transgender individuals and couples. What's the difference between therapy and coaching? Many who have found themselves cycling endlessly through therapy, without the results they are seeking, are discovering that coaching offers the natural evolution to their personal growth.

Though hourly coaching sessions normally take place via phone (Dotti works with individuals throughout Canada, the United States, and internationally), she also offers in-person coaching sessions at Still Waters Cottage, where individuals and couples can spend time in a healing environment. Transgender individuals and couples can rent the 400 ft. fully equipped one bedroom cottage for a day, a week-end, or a week and set up coaching sessions with Coach Dotti Berry. These coaching intensives have proven to be very effective when individuals and/or couples are dealing with a particular crisis or desiring to experience a breakthrough in a particular area.

Message from Dotti Berry:

Who wants to simply "survive" life? Everyone does that. Choose to THRIVE in your life...whether you are the SO or Transgender Person. These daily group descriptions for the SO & Couples Program are to simply set a foundation for discussions. They are not presentations by me, Dotti Berry. I facilitate these groups and work with whatever thoughts, explorations, and issues you each bring in the door. No topic is off limits, but I request that you speak from the I position so that people will hear your story and experience. That is where the gold nuggets lie. Speaking in terms of you when you share information makes it sound like advice is being handed out to the other people in the group. i.e. "Well, you know, when you first find out that your partner is transgender, you may feel etc." Instead...offer, "When I first discovered that my partner is transgender, I felt............" Stories are powerful and I have discovered that you can't hate someone whose story you know. It is an opening to connecting and engaging more authentically, and that is a good thing, whether with self or others. Welcome to Esprit 2010!

She may be reached at the following:

IMPACT Communications
Dotti Berry
4451 Masterson Road
Blaine, Washington 98230
dotti@GLBTCoach.com
http://www.GLBTCoach.com

The detailed schedule for the SO program is as follows:

Tuesday 9:00-11:00: I am (Man/Woman) Watch me Roar
For SO's ONLY. For the Significant Other of the transgender partner, whether you are male, female, or questioning.

This is for Men or Women who are SO's and attending with their Trans Partner. It is a strong man or woman who chooses to attend Esprit in support of his/her transgender partner for the first time. That same person continues his/her journey and often discovers much about self during this mutual journey. Both voices are needed, so no matter where you are on the journey with your trans partner, please come and share our perspective and your knowledge or lack of knowledge, but most importantly, your keen wisdom. You don't have to edit. Besides, that takes too long and keeps you from being present. Come and share whatever is comfortable for you in the moment. We need and treasure your voice!

Tuesday 11:30-1:00: SO Luncheon (for SO's only)

Tuesday 1:30-3:30: AHA! Shared AHA Moments
For transgender couples (both must attend)

Exploring issues and differences can be challenging for any couple. For the transgender couple, these encounters offer a unique and rare opportunity to dive deep, supplying a never-ending richness and depth often never experienced by other couples. On the other hand, it doesn't just "happen." It requires the utmost emotional integrity of both to achieve this high level of engaging and connecting with one another. You will receive a rare opportunity to bring your honest questions and sharing to these personal discussions in a confidential and supportive group setting. Please join us for what could prove to be a "once in a lifetime" opportunity with your partner.

Wednesday 9:00-11:00: R-E-S-P-E-C-T...Tell you What It Means to Me!
For SO's ONLY. For the Significant Other of the transgender partner, whether you are male, female, or questioning.

This song seems perfect for this group. The original in 1965 was by Otis Redding and was a man's plea for respect and recognition from a woman. The roles were reversed for Aretha Franklin's version in 1967 and became her signature song. It is considered a landmark for the feminist movement. May it apply here in whatever way as we consider the following...

How High Can You JUMP? Have you ever felt that more is being asked of you than you feel you can possibly accommodate? The non transgender partner develops creativity, strength and capabilities beyond his/her wildest imagination. You may not believe that if you are just beginning your journey, but just ask a few of the "wiser" ones who have been down the path you are beginning. YOUR JOURNEY? Yes, you also embark on a journey...sometimes kicking and screaming, sometimes sullen and angry, and/or sometimes accepting and challenged. And these are only a few of the characteristics. Many people begin at one stage, such as accepting and challenged, only to find themselves kicking, screaming, sullen, angry and crying...sometimes at the same time...and sometimes in the middle of this group. You may rotate from one state to the other, with feelings sometimes overlapping. "Don't Worry...Be Happy" just doesn't seem to cut it. What you will discover in this group is the opportunity to let it all hang out in a safe and supportive atmosphere where you will not be judged for how you feel about YOUR situation. We are all here to learn from one another, as we maneuver how we are going to approach our families, our friends and our transgender partners in our intimate relationships.

Wednesday 1:30-3:30: Ancora Imparo (I'm Still Learning)
For transgender couples (both must attend)

If it was good enough for Michelangelo, who spoke these words in his 87th year after creating such masterpieces as the Sistine Chapel and the sculpture of David, it seems good enough for all involved! (ok, so he was gay, not transgender, but he was still a genius and his humility is striking and strongly reminiscent of the Greek philosopher Socrates who said:

"The wise man knows that he knows nothing."

Bring your "I know nothing and can learn something" attitude about one another so that you can discover MORE about ONE ANOTHER (this isn't just about the SO discovering MORE about their trans partner...it works both way!). In what area are you holding back? After asking yourself whether you are, and discovering a "Yes," the bigger question is "WHY?" What Fear/s (False Elements Appear Real) are holding you back from deeper intimacy? Are you willing to move beyond your preconceived ideas about relationship? Come engage in two hours of exploration together, with a commitment for "allowing" and discovering new ways for opening doors to a richer relationship. Is S-E-X still a part of your intimacy? If no, why not? If yes, is it as satisfying as you would like? Are there new adventures you want to take in terms of emotional, spiritual and physical intimacy. Here's your opportunity to explore these areas together in a safe environment.

Thursday 9:00-11:00: But What about Our Children, Friends and Family?
For SO's ONLY. For the Significant Other of the transgender partner, whether you are male, female, or questioning.

Oh, wouldn't it be great if you existed in a bubble once you made your initial discovery about your partner being transgender? At least you would be able to deal with it easier if there weren't so many tentacles hanging out everywhere, touching your life in ways you would rather ignore. Ahhhhhhhhh! Why ME, you ask? Why not YOU? We will explore the frustrations, the excitement, the journey, and the acceptance that come with dealing with both your partner and all aspects of what make up this magnificent journey we call "LIFE!" Yes, LIFE...Living Is For Everyone! And that means YOU, even when YOU don't feel like it. Engage in Life anyway, and Nirvana will happen!

Thursday 11:30-1:00 Couples Luncheon (for couples)

Thursday 1:30-3:30: REACH for the STARS!
For transgender couples (both must attend)

How far do you want to reach in order to sustain and empower your relationship TOGETHER and make it one that thrives? What commitment are each of you, individually and together, willing to make in terms of time and energy for creating such an engaging life? Or...do you NOT want that type of relationship. If not, are you willing to communicate that to your partner? Are you willing to explore what you DO want in a safe environment within a facilitated space and the listening of others?

Friday 9:00-11:00: It's Friday "Fall Apart" Night!
For SO's ONLY. For the Significant Other of the transgender partner, whether you are male, female, or questioning.

Ok, face it. You've done pretty well all week, keeping that smile on your face MOST of the time. You may also feel as if your face is going to crack, afraid you will never put it back together if you let go. So, yes, you've probably shed some tears. Ok, you may have shed LOTS of tears. But you have probably also had some genuine fun. And...sometimes this all feels REAL and HOPEFUL, and sometimes it feels like your worst nightmare, and you find yourself wondering when you are going to wake up. This, too, shall pass. Hey, Life is a Stage, and it also happens in Stages. Come share the ups and downs thus far in your week. We are here for one another, and you are a part of that group. Just trust and know that Friday evening is going to be special, and maybe even one you will never forget with your transgender partner.

Friday 2:00–4:00: The Love of Love
For transgender couples (both must attend)

How do you reclaim the "Look of Love"...that intimacy you experienced in the beginning with your partner, especially after you discover that the Apples you thought you were getting turn out to be Oranges, or the Oranges turn out to be Apples? You have probably experienced at least ONCE that feeling of "This is NOT what I signed up for!" And yet, the person inside whatever skin or look is the same person you fell in love with. Challenge yourself...come and commit to discussing and discovering new ways to engage in intimacy. As they say, "Try It...You'll Like It!" Treat tonight as if it is your First Date. What have you got to lose as you dance the evening away and gaze into one another's eyes? Ok, so you will both be looking (and maybe even crying) through mascara! What is your approach..."Let's See What Happens" or "Whatever It Takes!"

Saturday 9:00-11:00: WHO Needs a Compass? YOU do!
For transgender couples (both must attend)

You've fallen and you can't get up? Let's have a general discussion of where you are and where you are going. How do you navigate these sometimes treacherous, sometimes calm waters? Do either of you find yourself hanging onto the side of the bank, fearful of letting go and floating downstream? Or have you numbed yourself out to the point that you are floating along unconsciously, unaware that you are getting ready to drop over the falls? How can you make conscious choices that empower both YOU and your relationship? Bring it all to the table and let's get ready to tango! (especially since the BIG PARTY is tonight!) You will find that when one partner is willing to change their dance step, the other has to respond in order to remain in the dance. Trust me, try it on the dance floor tonight...the same holds true in your relationship. The saying is true...it does indeed "Take Two to Tango!" even if you're doing your own freestyle or a partner Salsa dance!